Garquart is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless spider.

Garquart created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garquart, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Garquart, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Garquart's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Garquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Never pour water over plants.