Kipyamsan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, omnipotent newt.

Kipyamsan created light six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipyamsan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kipyamsan, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Kipyamsan's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kipyamsan's Holy Commandments

1. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Never go into magenta rooms.

4. Never think about nebulae.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.