Matgessjap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, compassionate zebra.

Matgessjap created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matgessjap, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Matgessjap, she will turn you into a goat.

Matgessjap's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Matgessjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into white rooms.

2. Matgessjap loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Worship no other gods but Matgessjap.

5. Do not eat turnips.