Cemtonkxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate mink.

Cemtonkxuck created the planet Mars six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemtonkxuck, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cemtonkxuck, she will try to impress you with trees.

Cemtonkxuck's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Cemtonkxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

3. Never eat strawberries.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sheep in need.