Haphad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, almighty jaguar.

Haphad created the Large Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Haphad, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Haphad, he will refuse to believe in you.

Haphad's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Haphad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Never feed limes to voles while wearing red rings.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.