Quagwapnurlwee is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, caring guinea pig.

Quagwapnurlwee created an atom three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagwapnurlwee, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quagwapnurlwee, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quagwapnurlwee's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Quagwapnurlwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about aardvarks.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Hide if five great tits approach from the west.

5. Always help sick foxes.