Jinbassbum Kipmidtaf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, sapient dryad.

Jinbassbum Kipmidtaf created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jinbassbum Kipmidtaf, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jinbassbum Kipmidtaf, she will turn you into a duck.

Jinbassbum Kipmidtaf's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Jinbassbum Kipmidtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

5. Never wear shorts.