Ontlidlid is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, idiotic hydra.

Ontlidlid created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontlidlid, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontlidlid, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Ontlidlid's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Ontlidlid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Run away from white turtles, for they are unholy.

4. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never eat bark.