Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, witless snail.

Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog created a charm quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never paint your face orange.

3. Straglophim Funtappop Spagzakbog must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.