Jamzestfig is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless fly.

Jamzestfig created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamzestfig, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jamzestfig, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Jamzestfig's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Jamzestfig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always treat swans with great respect.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Never mention pigs.