Vanquartdam is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, fast cat.

Vanquartdam created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanquartdam, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vanquartdam, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Vanquartdam's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Vanquartdam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt seals.

2. Always treat great tits with great respect.

3. Run away from white pigs, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not kill ants.