Flatdadbog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, grumpy narwhal.

Flatdadbog created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatdadbog, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flatdadbog, she will turn you into a mole.

Flatdadbog's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Flatdadbog's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick moths.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.