Nelmifbap is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, competent porpoise.

Nelmifbap created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelmifbap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nelmifbap, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Nelmifbap's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Nelmifbap's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Retreat if seven ants approach from the east.

4. Put Nelmifbap first in all things.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.