Spagzenmad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, fussy snake.

Spagzenmad created an up quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Spagzenmad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Spagzenmad, he will turn you into a slug.

Spagzenmad's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Spagzenmad's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat horses with great respect.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

5. Do not make images of living things.