Tarvadtar is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless mink.

Tarvadtar created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarvadtar, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarvadtar, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Tarvadtar's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tarvadtar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Hide if four pigs approach from the north.