Pakhomfun is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, able cow.

Pakhomfun created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakhomfun, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pakhomfun, he will boil you in a big pot.

Pakhomfun's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Pakhomfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

5. Never pour water over plants.