Binloopbess is a god.

He takes the form of a large, bad-tempered tortoise.

Binloopbess created life two million years ago.

If you believe in Binloopbess, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Binloopbess, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Binloopbess' most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Binloopbess' Holy Commandments

1. Great tits are not to be trusted.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.