Kemcunwipstan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, weak monkey.

Kemcunwipstan created the Sombrero Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kemcunwipstan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kemcunwipstan, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Kemcunwipstan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kemcunwipstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat peas.

2. Never laugh near nematodes.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Kemcunwipstan loves turtles, so they must be respected.