Quartminhancar is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, benevolent cat.

Quartminhancar created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartminhancar, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quartminhancar, he will destroy your favourite star.

Quartminhancar's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Quartminhancar's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black sheep for they are unholy.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never feed oranges to goats while wearing indigo trousers.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Quartminhancar loves seals, so they must be respected.