Somtimjin is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, smart octopus.

Somtimjin created the planet Saturn four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somtimjin, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Somtimjin, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Somtimjin's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Somtimjin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Somtimjin three times a day.

2. Never hurt monkeys.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

5. Never sit in the presence of mice.