Artshavtit is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, clever lizard.

Artshavtit created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Artshavtit, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Artshavtit, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Artshavtit's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Artshavtit's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear purple.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. You must never eat cherries.

4. Always obey Artshavtit's priests.

5. Do not drink water in orange rooms.