Bemflowquartpagont is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, charitable tapir.

Bemflowquartpagont created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bemflowquartpagont, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bemflowquartpagont, he will destroy your home solar system.

Bemflowquartpagont's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Bemflowquartpagont's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed parsnips to monkeys while wearing pink shoes.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

5. Do not cook food in pots.