Lopgovxin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, intelligent turtle.

Lopgovxin created oxygen six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopgovxin, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lopgovxin, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lopgovxin's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Lopgovxin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help monkeys in need.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never think ill of sick frogs.

4. Lopgovxin must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.