Satjan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, astonishing porpoise.

Satjan created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Satjan, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Satjan, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Satjan's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Satjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never talk about stars.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Satjan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.