Poptimlist is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, duplicitous wombat.

Poptimlist created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Poptimlist, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Poptimlist, she will turn you into a sheep.

Poptimlist's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Poptimlist's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. You must pray to Poptimlist seven times a day.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Hide from red mites for they are unholy.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.