Cissmigarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, idiotic seal.

Cissmigarn created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissmigarn, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Cissmigarn, he will have a low opinion of you.

Cissmigarn's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Cissmigarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Cissmigarn.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not wear fawn clothing.

5. Run away from turquoise dolphins, for they are unholy.