Quartkamdoss is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, sapient chicken.

Quartkamdoss created snails three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartkamdoss, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quartkamdoss, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Quartkamdoss' most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Quartkamdoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed spinach to cats while wearing magenta rings.

2. Never run in the presence of shrews.

3. You must love Quartkamdoss.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never look at comets.