Kopvabril Afpibwot Wiplamfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, generous snail.

Kopvabril Afpibwot Wiplamfarn created the Large Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopvabril Afpibwot Wiplamfarn, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kopvabril Afpibwot Wiplamfarn, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Kopvabril Afpibwot Wiplamfarn's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kopvabril Afpibwot Wiplamfarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat nuts.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not listen to music.