Hotstaflim is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, passionate seal.

Hotstaflim created the Sol system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotstaflim, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hotstaflim, he will remove you from existence.

Hotstaflim's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Hotstaflim's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

4. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.