Cuddumfid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, omniscient mongoose.

Cuddumfid created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Cuddumfid, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cuddumfid, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cuddumfid's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Cuddumfid's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Put Cuddumfid first in all things.

3. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always wear mauve.