Flamominmit Cunyattfet is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, deceitful narwhal.

Flamominmit Cunyattfet created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamominmit Cunyattfet, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flamominmit Cunyattfet, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Flamominmit Cunyattfet's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Flamominmit Cunyattfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Run away from turquoise seals, for they are unholy.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.