Afstikflyfenvonknigkartap is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, all-knowing donkey.

Afstikflyfenvonknigkartap created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Afstikflyfenvonknigkartap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Afstikflyfenvonknigkartap, he will turn you into a rat.

Afstikflyfenvonknigkartap's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Afstikflyfenvonknigkartap's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.