Sashubstanlooplagjat is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, unsympathetic wren.

Sashubstanlooplagjat created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sashubstanlooplagjat, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sashubstanlooplagjat, it will turn you into a mole.

Sashubstanlooplagjat's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Sashubstanlooplagjat's Holy Commandments

1. Sashubstanlooplagjat loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Hide if three goats approach from the south.