Gessbemcarxemlig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful naga.

Gessbemcarxemlig created the Andromeda Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessbemcarxemlig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gessbemcarxemlig, he will destroy your home planet.

Gessbemcarxemlig's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gessbemcarxemlig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never jump in the presence of moths.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Put Gessbemcarxemlig first in all things.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.