Quartgephiv Dodtafrig is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, egotistical meerkat.

Quartgephiv Dodtafrig created gold four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartgephiv Dodtafrig, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quartgephiv Dodtafrig, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Quartgephiv Dodtafrig's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Quartgephiv Dodtafrig's Holy Commandments

1. Quartgephiv Dodtafrig loves moths, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never mention grasshopers.

4. Put Quartgephiv Dodtafrig first in all things.

5. Quartgephiv Dodtafrig must be the most important thing in your life.