Fonmis is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonourable hamster.

Fonmis created an up quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonmis, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonmis, he will curse you with boils.

Fonmis' most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Fonmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Never feed cucumbers to birds while wearing purple corsets.