Kapvanzag is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, merciful armadillo.

Kapvanzag created the Tadpole Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kapvanzag, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kapvanzag, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kapvanzag's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Kapvanzag's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four dolphins approach from the east.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. You must pray to Kapvanzag three times a day.

5. Always help sick swans.