Lam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, awesome fox.

Lam created viruses eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lam, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Lam's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Lam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to manatees while wearing blue rings.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Hide if eight goats approach from the west.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never look at comets.