Arpfun is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, calm gnu.

Arpfun created the planet Jupiter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpfun, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Arpfun, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Arpfun's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Arpfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Hide if three capybaras approach from the east.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.