Hivpandadster is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, all-powerful cow.

Hivpandadster created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Hivpandadster, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hivpandadster, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Hivpandadster's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hivpandadster's Holy Commandments

1. Frogs are not to be trusted.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Hide from black pigs for they are unholy.