Vanquamquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, grumpy toad.

Vanquamquaf created a top quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanquamquaf, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vanquamquaf, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vanquamquaf's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Vanquamquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never sit near great tits.

3. Erect five iron sculptures of Vanquamquaf on top of important buildings.

4. Always wear gray.

5. Do not take Vanquamquaf's name in vain.