Xuckfutapp Bemcep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, competent swallow.

Xuckfutapp Bemcep created energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Xuckfutapp Bemcep, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xuckfutapp Bemcep, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Xuckfutapp Bemcep's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Xuckfutapp Bemcep's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never paint your feet cyan.

5. Do not chop down trees.