Afstipcim is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, competent newt.

Afstipcim created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Afstipcim, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Afstipcim, she will come to you in dreams.

Afstipcim's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Afstipcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not make images of living things.