Pidgeptin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, strong mouse.

Pidgeptin created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Pidgeptin, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pidgeptin, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Pidgeptin's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Pidgeptin's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of cats.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pidgeptin.

3. Never feed lemons to snails while wearing yellow coats.

4. Pidgeptin loves rats, so they must be respected.

5. You must never eat onions.