Gofquatpas Yarpcunpang is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent frog.

Gofquatpas Yarpcunpang created life five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofquatpas Yarpcunpang, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gofquatpas Yarpcunpang, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Gofquatpas Yarpcunpang's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Gofquatpas Yarpcunpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near nematodes.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never play with disobedient children.