Ortkemmab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast hedgehog.

Ortkemmab created bats eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortkemmab, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ortkemmab, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Ortkemmab's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Ortkemmab's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Ortkemmab must be the most important thing in your life.