Hamweehiv is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, thoughtless whale.

Hamweehiv created the Cigar Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hamweehiv, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hamweehiv, she will cry a lot.

Hamweehiv's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hamweehiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snakes.

2. Never sing in the presence of cats.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Run away if eight eagles approach from the west.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.