Begtarvab is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking meerkat.

Begtarvab created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Begtarvab, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Begtarvab, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Begtarvab's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Begtarvab's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Begtarvab.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Never eat corn.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.