Wigarpkon Gutcumvengup is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, tiresome skunk.

Wigarpkon Gutcumvengup created the Sombrero Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wigarpkon Gutcumvengup, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Wigarpkon Gutcumvengup, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Wigarpkon Gutcumvengup's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wigarpkon Gutcumvengup's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine monkeys approach from the west.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not eat onions.