Tabladved is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, quiet cow.

Tabladved created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabladved, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tabladved, it will turn you into a sheep.

Tabladved's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tabladved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about carrots.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never feed onions to geese while wearing turquoise coats.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Put Tabladved first in all things.